Tumhare Liye, Pyaari

Itne saal beet gaye, hum mile, door hue, phir ek doosre ko shayad bhool bhi gaye. Phir hum dobara mile. Iss baar tum meri zindagi ek naye roop, naye rang, naye libas mein aayi.

Pyaari, kya tum jaanti ho ki meri (recently turned 31) ki zindagi mein tumne kitne avatar badle hai? Bahut se acche, kuchh yaadgaar lamhein, kuchh sikhlai bhi diye hai? Woh kehte hai har jan ka ek waqt hota hai tumhari zindagi mein, shayad woh sahi hi honge, nahi toh tumhare avatar kaise milte mujhe iss chhoti si badi duniya mein?

Jahan gender ka itna bias hai, jahan woh kehte hai ek aurat doosri aurat ki sabse badi dushman hai, wahan mujhe tum mili. Tumse kaafi kuchh seekha hai maine, kuchh acchi yaadein sameti, kuchh buri aadatein door bhagayi…

Pyaari, jab main tumhare baare mein sochti hoon toh khushi se dil baag-baag ho jaata hai. Humne kayi kisse, kayi sukh, kayi dukh baatein hai. Kabhi hum duniya ki parwah kiye bina zor se hass diye, aur jab aansoon sambhale naa gaye toh bathroom jaane ka bahana bhi nahi dhoonda… Kya mujhe tumhari aadat ho gayi hai? Shayad.

Tumhari uss *throw your head back in laughter* waali hassi se,

Tumhari uss innocence se jisse tum mujhe woh darja deti ho jaise main khoob jaanti hoon,

Tumhari uss khilkhilati hassi se,

Tumhare uss badi behen jaise mujhe sambhalne se,

Tumhari unn intelligent baaton se,

Tumhare bass ek uss message se jisse hum dono samajh jaate hai ek doosre ke dil ka haal…

Haan Pyaari, you may have come and gone, but everytime you and I have parted ways knowingly or unknowingly, the universe has conspired once again to fill that void.

With love to all these ‘pyaaris’ of mine ♥️

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Thirty Plus…

It always made me wonder why no one was ever clear about how old they were or were getting year on year, everytime we spoke about birthdays and age. For me, that day of non-acceptance has finally arrived. Until two days ago I was sure to embrace my 31st and the subsequent years to come as happily as I did my 30th. ‘Cause 30s are the new 20s, aren’t they?

Sadly, it all seems like bookish fluff from where I am seeing this situation, trying to be as objective as I can be, focussing on the good and not the negative et al. Why is this getting so difficult then? This cannot be described as anything other than a fish out of water or a mountain climber breathing laboriously because he has to reach the summit anyhow.

What started as an odd year a few days ago has carried on into the hour that changed my 30th into the 31st and here I am, still throwing these volley of questions at myself, hoping for an answer or a solution that has seemed so far away.

Another year of depression and anxiety isn’t something I had hoped for and I sure wish I can move on. Just that. Detach. Move on. Zen mode on.

Happy birthday to me. Still grateful for a new year and a chance to start anew and keep that fire in the belly lit. Let’s just say, that promise i made to myself this time, last year is a tad delayed, but I’m getting there. The process has begun. *Fireworks*